From the Lake to the Ocean

We were lucky enough to have Dad home with us for the past two weeks and spend some quality time together as our own little family.

It also happened to be our second wedding anniversary during this time so we decided we would keep the tradition we started last year and go away for a few days.

Last year I was five months pregnant and we decided to take a road trip through country NSW into Victoria, then home again. It was such an amazing holiday - just the two of us, and we knew that it would have been our last time together as 'a two' before we became 'a three'.

This years holiday involved a beautiful house, a lake and lots of games of cards.

We spent three days on a beautiful lake feeding the ducks and enjoying peace and quiet - something which I think we all needed. We barely watched television and whilst our little man napped, we played hilarious games of cards outside together whilst enjoying the view. It was nice to take a moment and enjoy one another like we used to, as time seems to get away from you when a third little human enters your world.

After our return we only had a couple of days left to enjoy Dad so we headed to the beach for a great big walk. There is something special about an Australian Autumn where you can enjoy the sun, feel the sand between your toes and watch lots of people still take the advantage of a cool swim. Fish and chips by the water then it was back in the car, perfectly timed for little mans naptime.

As relaxing and peaceful as this all sounds, and it really was - there was still the unexpected bumps in the road along the way that create those perfect imperfections. We had poos in the bath whilst Mama was in it too, a teething baby recovering from his first cold which resulted in a few sleepless nights, rainy weather on some days, and finding a stray dog then ferrying it to a local Vet (in an unknown town) whilst being super quiet as little man was asleep in the back seat. Of course we can't forget that all days are timed around little man's three sleeps and meals, which can be a lot more tedious than it sounds. The life of a parent! And as we are so often reminded by those before us, 'this is just the beginning'. 

Make the most of your days, whatever you do. It's definitely easier said than done sometimes, but these moments just pass too quick.

I'm trying this 'glass half full' kind of thing...and I like it!

3 minutes of Empathy

Brené Brown - Empathy

My Mum has always been a woman of wise words. She always knows what to say even when words aren't needed. For years I struggled with over explaining myself  and trying too hard to express my emotions in the attempt to make sense to some people, but in reality as Mum would tell me, 'it doesn't mean they don't care, some people just aren't listeners as in depth as you are'. She didn't mean this in a bad way however more so as listening involves enacting empathy - a concept that can be foreign to some people, but necessary for us all to connect. And perhaps she was just being a good Mama  in always having my back...

Maybe empathy was a learned skill for me through my own studies of Social Work, maybe it was taught to me by my Mum. However I learnt it, I try my hardest to be empathic on a daily basis which I don't always succeed at. I do this as I know through my own personal struggle that showing connection to someone at a time of need is more powerful than we sometimes realise, whether or not we are interested, disagree or even are tired of the same story. It doesn't take much, but gives a lot. 

This video is short, simple and yet bang on point. All of Brene's talks are. Although probably expected, I wasn't shown this video through any of my Social Work studies or friends, but through family. As she so poignantly states in this video;

   'In order to connect with someone, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling'  

and;

   

 'Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better, is a connection'.

Maybe take a moment, share this post/video on your social media or via email and it may just spark something in someone to take the time to show some empathy to someone who needs it today, tomorrow or the next day. 

Get down in the hole....

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a research professor at the Graduate College of Social Work at the University of Houston U.S.A. She has spent the past decade studying courage, worthiness, vulnerability, and shame. She is known for her TED talks about these and more. She definitely has my vote, and not just because she is a fellow Social Worker - that part's a bonus.

Amazing, amazing stuff for all of us to take a little away from. 

www.brenebrown.com 

Under the sea

Continuing our 'Bucket List'...we visited the Aquarium!

What on earth would an 8 month old baby get out of a trip to an overpriced Aquarium?

HEAPS!

Wow, this was amazing! We hopped on the train together for the first time as a little family and off we went on our adventure, making the most out of the beautiful weather.

Of course, nothing is ever as simple as it sounds. We did have to wait until the morning nap was done and tediously pack all the essentials for a day trip out ensuring not to forget anything. God forbid we forget a dummy, a certain toy or even nappies! (Yes, we have done this before and found ourselves stuck in the basement of a carpark with a dirty nappy and no spares!).

But boy did the little man enjoy the train trip also. That could have been an outing just in itself and he wouldn't have known any different.

We had a snoozing baby by the time we got off the train which was perfect time for us to get some lunch together. Then we headed on over to the Aquarium and it was instantaneous delight. The sounds, colours and movements captured little man's eyes and he stared for ages.

We moved on to each glass tank with different fish and sealife. He of course would have no idea what he was looking at, but the wonder and amazement on his face was priceless.

It was such a peaceful environment that we both agreed we couldn't have picked a better place for him to spend the day. Albeit an hour and half was just enough for him to be entertained, then it was time for a feed and another nap on the train home.

We highly recommend this for anyone with kids. It initially was meant for us (the big kids) as something to do together with maybe the bonus that little man might get something out of it. To our surprise, I think he got the most!

What a special day! I'm one lucky Mama!

Mama's Day

Mum,

Today is just one day of the year that I stop and reflect on how lucky I am to have you as my Mama.
You are compassionate, selfless, gentle and caring (just to name a few) and there aren't even words to describe just how much you mean to me.
You've taught me how to listen and how to love.
You are the mother I aspire to be like to my own children.
Thank you for loving me the way you do.


Little one,

How lucky I am to be called your Mum.
You are the reason that this day exists for me.
Not a day goes past that I don't think of how grateful I am to have you as my own.
I just adore you!
I can only hope to show you how much joy and love you bring into my life.
I promise to be the mother that teaches you how to listen and how to love.
I love you more than you will ever know.


For all Mama's...

Mama's to be,
Mama's of years,
Mama's of Angel Babies and
Mama's in the sky...
Mama's of fur babies and
Mama's who dream to be.

Here's to you...

Catch us if you can!

Following on from our "Bucket List" post, last week we decided to get out in the fresh air and go for some strolls in the sunshine given the poor weather the past few weeks.

And what beautiful weather it was!

One thing we love doing as a family is going for walks. So nearly every afternoon this week, when Dad gets home from work we pop little one in the pram and puppy on the leash and off we go. We find that this is the perfect time for us as a couple to communicate like we used to before our little man came along. We use this time to catch up on our days with non stop chatting between steering the pram and tripping over the leash. I love hearing about his work days and the things he did, whereas my day consists of showing baby selfies and counting the number of dirty nappies little man had. Maternity leave at its finest.

The week also included a shopping trip that didn't go to my perfect plan of baby sleeping in pram whilst Mum window shopped - I soon realised that expecting an 8 month old to enjoy this activity was completely selfish and unreasonable. Of course men hate this stuff...what on earth was I thinking?!

We visited a park and although he is still too little for the slippery dip or even the big swing by himself, he sat with his Mama on her lap and cuddled. His face lights up watching other children play waiting for the day he can run around like them. I'm happy for you to stay this small though little man.

When in doubt...go for a walk! Nothing beats fresh air and sunshine on any day.

Here's to the week that was.  

Our "Bucket List"... a raw post.

When I googled where the term "bucket list" actually comes from, there were many differing opinions.
Whether it came from the term 'to kick the bucket' or the film 'The Bucket List', it means to fit in as much as you can before you die.

What a morbid thought...That's not quite what I meant by this post, rather I would like to refer to our "Bucket List" as being As many things as we can fit in together before...

Before I go back to work...
Before I don't get to spend these cherished moments with him every day...
Before I become more of an emotional wreck that is completely irrational. (Maybe it's too late for that one!)

Maybe I should have titled this post...'A first time Mum's separation anxiety'

The truth is, that's what it is/was.

When I became pregnant I was wrapped up in a whirlwind of anxiety, thrill and excitement of what this next chapter of our lives meant. It meant the obvious - your tummy expanding to a nice round bump that everyone wants to touch and talk about, finishing up years of work in which you have waited for the day you finally get to say "I'm on Maternity Leave, see you all in a year!" and enjoy time off without feeling guilty. It meant meeting new first time Mums going through the same thing and being overjoyed all of the time! (apart from the morning sickness and aches & pains which now seem a distant memory). Basically a years worth of awesomeness felt like it was coming to an end. And fast!

I've met an abundance of new friends for both my little dude and I. I've organised a Playgroup despite functioning on little to no sleep. I've had the luxury of popping Mr. Man in the car every morning and grabbing a take-away coffee to the point where the cafe owners now expect me and think something is severely wrong when I am not there by 8am. I've been able to finally stop and smell the roses after 13 years of constant work - and they smell beautiful! Most of all, I've carried, met and fallen deeply in love with a child of my own and that is the greatest gift of all.

So needless to say I have spent the past few months dreading this 'end'. Dreading going back to work which is a strange feeling for me as I love my job. But this feeling of dread is real and it's because I have created such a special bond with this child who I now look at as if he's an extension of my right arm. It feels like it's taken 8 months to get to a point of smooth sailing and where the word 'routine' actually means something now. Breastfeeding was an extreme challenge for both of us for the first 6 weeks, and now it feels like a breeze. Night sleeps were non-existent for the first 7 months and now sleep has returned for us all. And I've discovered that being a Mum is exactly what I am meant to be.

Really, I am just so attached to this little human that even the thought of not spending two days a week with him hurts my heart.

And I thought I LOVED my dog!

Don't get me wrong, I don't have fears about leaving him with his grandparents or friends when I return to work or even go out at night. There couldn't be any better people to help care for our child and there is no one I trust more than them. It's not that at all, despite what it may seem. It's a lot deeper than that for me.

Some mother's deal with it better than others, but for me the struggle is real. I've spend the last few months counting DOWN the days instead of focusing on the best of each day. It was getting me down so much to the point of not sleeping at night. Will my little buddy be okay somewhere other than with Mum or Dad? Will he miss me? Will my milk supply dry up and all this effort of breastfeeding come to a sudden end? Will his personality change from this placid boy (like his dad), to a highly strung, whingy and clingy person (like his mum)? See...the struggle is real.

Well, maybe I have always been one to slightly over-react.

So, I decided enough is enough. Stop being a whiny, clingy Mama and get over it! He will be fine. It's an adjustment for us all. But the truth is, it's the guilt I carry of leaving him. Time to switch it up. Make the most of the time you do have left together and enjoy it. Go out more, see and experience new things together, create new memories. After all, he isn't an 18 year old leaving you to move out on his own just yet. Calm down!

Time for our "bucket list". Each week we are going to do something fun, different and exciting together. Whether he is asleep in his pram or wide awake and not understanding where the hell we are. We are going to be adventurous together! Maybe all this is more for me than for him, but you have to do what you have to do!

For any other parents out there who are relating to even the littlest bit of what I am saying, it definitely pays to look at things glass half full''. I've always been a 'glass half empty' girl, much to my detriment. I have always prepared myself for the worst, overanalysed every situation, fought hard, loved harder and cried when there was absolutely no need to. But that's just me. My sensitivity can be my greatest attribute and my biggest downfall all at the same time. In this case I think you can see both. I don't want to raise a clingy, afraid, anxious little child who doesn't want to go to anyone other than his parents, but this is what 'fumbling through parenting' is. There is no manual to tell you how to be a Mum, and there is definitely no 'perfect parenting' App that you can just quickly download on your iPhone and follow step by step. Imagine!

Parent just how YOU can..the best you can.

I pat myself on the back for how I have raised a gentle, sweet and calm little man who happily will go to anyone. He doesn't cry or fret for me when I leave him, so I must be doing something right. But even  if he does, so what? Babies are babies and the maternal bond you create with your child is irreplaceable. Yes, it's a bond that comes naturally but you also have to work extremely hard for it. Those sleepless nights, bodily aches and pains, fears of not knowing what to do, asking Dr. Google, ending up in Emergency, wiping bodily fluids from every part of them and you and doing everything and anything to care for your child first, even if it means you haven't eaten properly, showered or even been to the toilet for a very long time. You've earned that bond! Paternal bonds included. No one can cuddle like Mum or Dad can, even now as an adult you know sometimes all you need is their hug.

But this separation anxiety will end, and if it doesn't I will get past it. I'm not going to try and change 'me' because that's what other people think I should do. I will just change my outlook on things. So for now, time to enjoy the next few months even more so that we have been.

I won't ever stop being a super sensitive human being, and I probably won't stop over-analysing every situation. But I will make the best out of it. And I will be the best parent I can be. I promise, there are good qualities about me too and this blog is a little raw and honest, but this is to hopefully relate to someone else feeling similar or even trying to better understand their feelings.

Here's to me and you little one! And our "Bucket List" in all it's glory.

Partners in Parenting

You know you've partnered with the right person to tackle this 'parenting' thing when:

• You take turns in reading a page of the bedtime story book so as to not 'hog' the most words
• He slides down a slippery dip despite being way too big and looking way too ridiculous, all to make the little one smile (and maybe me too)
• He gets right in there to change a dirty nappy despite being able to barely breathe because it's 'his turn' even though you both know it wasn't
• He falls asleep whilst patting the little one to back to sleep at 3am and doesn't realise how long he has even been in there but did it just so you could sleep
• You have a night time routine that seems seamless which includes knowing exactly what your role is in that moment and it switches every night
• He has the one wine you look forward to ready and waiting when you finish feeding little one at bedtime
• You take turns in driving up to the coffee shop so early in the morning without having even showered
• You drink the same coffee ;-)
• He knows just how 'Mama does it' when your not there
• He lies on your side of the bed whilst you are feeding little one to 'warm it up for you'
• He works his butt off to give you everything you could need and more, and despite tired eyes always tells you how much he appreciates and loves you. 

Now, we aren't perfect.

It bugs me no end that he and every other Dad 'can't hear when little one cries in the middle of the night' those ten times you woke and re-settled and the recycling bin never gets taken out...but I think I can handle that ;-) These are just a small few of our partnering in parenting. 

...He is my version of perfect.  

Happy Friday!