Germophobia?- Or first-time parent syndrome?

Tis the season to be sick! Winter has arrived and it seems as though everywhere you turn, someone is coughing, sneezing or has a case of the sniffles.

This has been a big topic of conversation at Mother's Group the past few weeks as the majority of us are first-time mothers and have intense protective mode switched on ensuring no one is passing on any nasty germs to our beloved babies. (I think this switch was turned on the moment they were born).

This is in no way directed at anyone in particular. Sometimes we don't realise we are beginning a cold before passing on germs. There isn't much we can do about this. This is just what I've noticed in the past 11 months of being a Mama, especially the past few days which have been a bit tough with a sick little man waking up sometimes 10 times a night, coughing and in tears due to a nasty cold.

Before having little man, if someone had a cold or flu around me (or worse - Gastro!), I could walk away and secretly smother my hands in alcohol rub and pray that I don't see them again for the rest of the day.

Now having a child it's not that easy.

Everyone wants to see you, have a play date, attend a party you've planned and cuddle and kiss him despite being sick 'oh at least three days ago'.

My absolute favourite things to hear are:

• "I was sick last week but I am better now - man, it was horrible"
• "It was only a 24 hour bug"
• "I am on antibiotics now so I am feeling much better"
• "I'm not contagious anymore"

Nope! 

I read a brilliant article recently about how it should be up to the parent to decide whether or not to expose their child to a recently ill friend/child/family member. It is not up to YOU, the sick person to decide when you are 'better' or 'well enough' to be around us. No thank you!

I have such a strong opinion for many reasons. Here are the main ones:

Firstly, I do not want Gastro. Sadly a lot of people thing that Gastro is a 24-48 hour bug that passes and once you've stopped your symptoms, you are back to normal. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Did you know you can be contagious for up to 2 weeks after your symptoms stop? 

Did you also know that Gastro can be transferred by simple touching of a door handle, handshake, and food prepared by someone who may have had the virus in their family of late?

There are also two types of Gastroenteritis viruses that are around at the moment. Rotavirus (common in children) and Norovirus. Norovirus is particularly violent for both adults and children - so please stay away! Google them!

Secondly, work life is hard enough already then having to take more time off because your child is sick, then wait - you get sick too! 

Baby gets sick - take time off to care for them.

Partner then gets the same illness - have to take time off to care for baby whilst they are unwell.

YOU get sick - now you have to take time off to look after yourself! 

That could be a long week taken off work because someone else was careless. 

Thirdly, and this is a big one, the severity of your symptoms may be minor compared to that of someone else - especially a small child. So you get a cough and a runny nose. But the child you cuddled on the weekend at the birthday party you attended now is in hospital with a chest infection. True story, has happened to more than one person I know. Especially if the babies were born premature or had complications at birth so are at heightened risk of infection. 

You had a vomiting bug on the weekend that only lasted 24 hours - the family you were around is now all sick with the same bug and the smallest child is severely dehydrated and won't take fluids. 

I'm not completely ignorant and know that children get sick. We all get sick. It helps build our immune system. This is not my point. 

My point stands that if it can be prevented - prevent it. 

If we can allow parents to make the decision to attend the party of your recently ill child, then let them know. 

Don't attend functions if you or your children have been ill in the past week. Mostly likely, you are still contagious despite 'feeling better'. 

This is how nasty bugs are transmitted.

Of course, children will attend Day Care and School and get all types of bugs. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. But in the meantime, don't put others at risk of getting sick if you can prevent it.

My family has a 'one week rule'. If you have shown any sort of yucky symptoms in the past week, firstly let ME know as the parent and I will decide whether or not to hang around you. My own mother has been very understanding of this and knows my stance. 

I'm not just protecting my son, I am protecting myself. Caring for a small child when you are fevering is the worst - I've been there. 

Summarising my passionate points here:

• Viruses/Bugs can be contagious for up to 2 weeks. More than likely, you are still contagious despite feeling better.
• Let others know you have been sick in the past WEEK (not 2 days ago). 
• Allow parents to make their own decision about whether to catch up with you - especially if you are hosting a gathering at your place. 

Yes, I am a germophobe.  

Call it first-time parent syndrome. 

Or maybe just a protective (and smart) Mama. 

We will all get some sort of illness over the years to come. I'm not naive. 

But I do speak for the Mama's I've met in my parenting journey who have struggled with this like I have. A lot of people don't feel the need to disclose their recent illness - but it is your obligation to.

Just a take a second thought of who else you may pass your bug on to and the effect it may have on the child and an entire family.

Have a read of this:

Sick Kid Etiquette - Josefa Pete
(or copy this link into your broswer)
http://m.essentialbaby.com.au/toddler/caring-for-toddler/he-has-gastro-but-thats-okay-right-sick-kid-etiquette-20150518-gh48m3.html

Homemade Ferrero Rochers

So what do Stay-At-Home-Mums do?

Go to Tupperware Parties!

What do you learn at Tupperware parties apart from how awesome Tupperware truly is?... How to make homemade Forrero Rochers using Ice Trays!

Ingredients:

• 1 bag of Nestle Cooking Chocolate pieces
• 50grams Copha (melted)
• 1 bag of crushed nuts
• Nutella (or similar)

Method:

1. Melt Copha in microwave
2. Melt chocolate seperately (either microwave or stovetop, whatever you prefer).
3. Mix Copha and Chocolate together adding in the crushed nuts.
4. Scoop small teaspoon amount of chocolate mixture into ice cube tray or similar halfway up. (I used Heinz baby freezer trays with the pop out on the bottom).
5. Place in freezer for 10 minutes until set.
6. Take out, spoon small amount of Nutella in the middle of each chocolate, then add another layer of chocolate mixture to the top.
7. Place in freezer for another 10-15 minutes until set.

Simple! 

And delicious!

Dear Son, you have allergies.

The reason why the posts have been absent the past couple of weeks...

A note to my son.

Dear my little man,

So yesterday we went for your Allergy testing. The results weren't what we were hoping, but let me start with how we got here. 

A few months ago you showed a reaction to some formula which we hadn't tried before as you are breastfed. This devastated me as I felt guilty and selfish for even attempting to start formula as breastfeeding wasn't even problematic. Needless to say that was the last time we attempted any allergy-related foods/drinks until we sought some answers. 

Your reaction involved hives amongst other things and we knew something wasn't right as is it very common for babies to react to certain formulas, but this was different. 

After a few Doctor's appointments we finally got in on a cancellation at the Allergy Specialist which only took eight weeks. Yes, allergy testing have wait lists of up to six months, even longer so we were very lucky. 

It was a rainy day and we drove into the city together, you, your Dad and I. 

Your Dad and I looked at each other on the drive in and I made a comment on how much things have changed for us in the past year. It feels like a moment ago your Dad and I were taking day trips to the city for lunches, coffee dates and the like. Now we are driving our little man to his Allergy testing. Oh how responsible we now feel, and a little scared. 

Without boring you with all the minute details we spent what felt like forever in the pokiest little clinic which in reality was just over three hours. 

I had no idea what to expect and as a Mother you prepare yourself for the worst. Again, maybe this was my overreacting nature that crept in but no one had explained to me what was involved. All I knew that skin prick tests of up to thirty times on your little body petrified me! But I had to 'man up' and put on my brave face as that's my job! Lucky I had your super strong, 'in-touch with reality', amazing Dad to hold my hand whilst I held yours. 

We held out your arms while you sat still on my lap and I had my lips near your tiny ears ready to sing our song to keep you calm. Much to my surprise, you didn't even flinch. Thankfully for everyone my singing voice was kept quiet. 

Boy did you amaze me. You sat absolutely still watching intently as the Nurse pricked your arms over 10 times. Not a sound, not a movement and I was floored! 

So we waited. 

Milk, Eggs and Peanuts.

Not exactly the outcome we had hoped for.

A little challenge for us to now face together over the next few years, potentially the rest of your life.

Immediately my mind went in to overdrive thinking of what this meant for all things day to day and I couldn't help but feel sad and deflated. I was sad for what this could mean for you and those negative thoughts started running back into my mind.

'No scrambled eggs on toast for you'

'There goes Peanut butter'

'He won't be able to have birthday cake!'
'What about kids parties, will he be left out?'
'Will I be the mother that says - excuse me I've bought my own nut, egg and dairy free cupcake for my son to have'.

It really isn't as bad as it seems and it's moments like these where we count our blessings, not challenge them.

What put it all into perspective for me was the six or so other children that came and went in the time we were there also, all with the exact same allergies as you - and some even more.
Their bright little faces walking in and out from the Nurses and Doctors offices waiting to be tested, waiting for their results and then waiting for their education on what comes next - just like you.

I sat and stared at an artwork on the wall ahead of me while you slept in your pram and was calmed by it's sight. Winnie The Pooh, Eeyore and Piglet carved into clay. Winnie was flying above them with a balloon in his hand up towards the sky. Pooh Bear is the epitome of pure innocence and happiness.
Then I looked back at you and thought the same. You don't know any different now.

credit to artist

We came home and you were so tired so we had a quick dinner and put you to bed. Dad watched a bit of television whilst I sat with my one glass of wine and read over all of the information sheets that were given to us, which is exactly what the doctor ordered - true!

I read through every page, googled every allergy-related website and sat in it for a little while trying to decipher meaning.

I then made a promise to myself to not make this problematic. To not look at this as a major issue but more of another step in our journey as a family.

You always hear people say, 'Oh wait to you have kids, then you know real love'.

It's really true.

I would do anything for you little one. So would your Dad. We often look at each other and say, "How lucky are we" and we are in awe of you.

So here's my promise to you. Your allergies will not affect you or your day to day life. We will be cautious, proactive and normal. I promise to cook you the best meals that you will ever have, just like my Mum does.

But most of all I promise to make you the best damn dairy-free, egg-free and nut-free first birthday cake that will ever exist on this planet and it will taste super amazing!

Thank you for teaching me resilience, patience and love.

Love Mama
xxx

Ironic?

Sitting and waiting patiently 

The power of the 'like'

In a world where emotions are just as easily messed with through a screen as they are in person, we are oblivious to the effect that a simple click of a button may have one someone.

To 'like?' Or not to 'like?' - That is the question.

When we peruse our social media feeds we are inundated with the very happenings of everyone's days that we sometimes just don't care about... Or do we?

I'll admit it, I am a sucker for Facebook.

Sometimes I will find myself so lost in a world that I end up having to metaphorically 'check' myself, especially when I've found someone's friends' brothers best mates newborn baby photos wondering 'how on earth did I end up here?'

Call it 'Facebook stalking' or whatever you like - but admit it, we've all been there.

But what about when we post something that too will be included in someone else's news feed?

To us, it's special, important or very cool at the time. But to others, it's meaningless, irrelevant and plain old boring.

You can't possibly like everyone's photo or status - that's overkill.

But what about those people that you actually do know well enough that if they don't receive that simple 'like' on that rare photo you post, you automatically feel judged?

Maybe they didn't get to Facebook today - oh wait yes they did... They did just like your best friends' status.

Thanks mate.

Maybe you don't care who pays attention to it or not, but food for thought, why did you post it to begin with? Surely not to brag about how awesome your holiday was/is and how it would suck to be everyone else right now.

Sure, I'm guilty of posting photos of the new amazing gift I call my little man (sparingly compared to others). But it's almost always the same people that pay any attention to the photo. Mostly the new Mama's I've met throughout this journey, or the friends that truly are stoked to see said photo.

What people don't realise is, that when you see their name not appear on the 'people who like this' page, over and over again, you realise they probably just don't really care.

Am I doing the same to others and I don't even realise it?

Blogs are the same. I put my heart into these posts and it means the world when I see people 'liking' the effort I put in and I love reading the comments that sometimes appear. Maybe those who don't know blogging don't realise that we, the writer can see how many views our posts get, which is the best feeling to know that you have reached people. This is akin to the solid effort you've put in to that report at work and your boss saying "Great job, that was spot on!" Sometimes, that's all you need to hear.

I love others photos, blogs, even sometimes status updates. After all, that's why I am on social media, no? Granted it's not for everyone, but that post is something to someone.

I used to be an over-sharer on Facebook when I realised I don't particularly want all of the 121 people I'm friends with, some of which I barely see, looking at what I am doing. So I cut back. I now use Instagram, more so where I know the people who can see my special photos are those who really want to and don't just want to see what I am up to because it may be remotely interesting at 5:30pm whilst they are on the packed train on the way home from work.

Then there are the people who say 'I hate Facebook, I don't want everyone to know what I am up to'. They are often the same people who still are on Facebook, and as I like to call them 'Silent Assassins'. Secretly checking their news feed just as often as you, not showing any activity but judging oh so much. These are the people that you catch every now and then saying 'Oh I saw you were at the beach last week'... Welllllll, did you now?

We all love a bit of Facebook stalk, admit it!

This is the world we live in and the world our children will be born into. So be kind to one another. 'Like' that photo or status today, because it might just mean something to someone.

It's not about the number of 'likes' you receive, it's the meaning of seeing your name behind it. That could mean the world to someone else.

Photo credit:

http://www.the-gild.com/blog/banksy-lookalike-sums-ups-the-problem-with-kids-and-social-media

What day is it?

As I sit here typing this post feeding my little man whilst at the same time addressing envelopes for hubbys birthday party, I am wondering where exactly has the time has gone?

It's been a while inbetween posts and to be honest, I've written about four different posts - all sitting in the 'drafts' folder.

I've contemplated which one I should post next, whether it's too personal or plain boring, when in reality I've over-thought the very concept of 'blogging'.

Hang on...break to feed baby the next course before he loses it!

...Okay I am back. Where was I?

Oh yes, wondering why time has gotten away from me and why writing one blog post per week has become too much of an effort of late.

The reality is everything has become too much of an effort recently. I have taken on too much in terms of planning things and trying to schedule friend catch ups, that I've realised I've actually missed catching up with those I so badly miss!

There is no real excuse either. I am terrible at calling people back and responding to texts. Motherhood has made me even worse than I was before. You read a text message and think 'I'll get back to that once I've done this'. Wishful thinking.

So keeping it simple because now I have a screaming child, parenthood has changed my ability to focus, commit and manage time. Although my core is the same and I still have all the best intentions, I don't get to those little things that I plan to and that often mean the most.

To all those without children or those who forget what it's like to look after little ones - be kind to us. We mean well although we sometimes lose our marbles.
To those with kids, I'm just like you. I may appear organised and on top of things (or maybe I don't) but sometimes I just need to stop and take a breath.

Forgive this post as I haven't taken the time to edit it properly this evening.

Now... time to bath the little one, bedtime story and feed him, prepare and eat my own dinner and Oh! feed the crying dog at the back door!

One last thought...I'll never stop counting my lucky stars despite my exhaustion and excuses.

From the Lake to the Ocean

We were lucky enough to have Dad home with us for the past two weeks and spend some quality time together as our own little family.

It also happened to be our second wedding anniversary during this time so we decided we would keep the tradition we started last year and go away for a few days.

Last year I was five months pregnant and we decided to take a road trip through country NSW into Victoria, then home again. It was such an amazing holiday - just the two of us, and we knew that it would have been our last time together as 'a two' before we became 'a three'.

This years holiday involved a beautiful house, a lake and lots of games of cards.

We spent three days on a beautiful lake feeding the ducks and enjoying peace and quiet - something which I think we all needed. We barely watched television and whilst our little man napped, we played hilarious games of cards outside together whilst enjoying the view. It was nice to take a moment and enjoy one another like we used to, as time seems to get away from you when a third little human enters your world.

After our return we only had a couple of days left to enjoy Dad so we headed to the beach for a great big walk. There is something special about an Australian Autumn where you can enjoy the sun, feel the sand between your toes and watch lots of people still take the advantage of a cool swim. Fish and chips by the water then it was back in the car, perfectly timed for little mans naptime.

As relaxing and peaceful as this all sounds, and it really was - there was still the unexpected bumps in the road along the way that create those perfect imperfections. We had poos in the bath whilst Mama was in it too, a teething baby recovering from his first cold which resulted in a few sleepless nights, rainy weather on some days, and finding a stray dog then ferrying it to a local Vet (in an unknown town) whilst being super quiet as little man was asleep in the back seat. Of course we can't forget that all days are timed around little man's three sleeps and meals, which can be a lot more tedious than it sounds. The life of a parent! And as we are so often reminded by those before us, 'this is just the beginning'. 

Make the most of your days, whatever you do. It's definitely easier said than done sometimes, but these moments just pass too quick.

I'm trying this 'glass half full' kind of thing...and I like it!

3 minutes of Empathy

Brené Brown - Empathy

My Mum has always been a woman of wise words. She always knows what to say even when words aren't needed. For years I struggled with over explaining myself  and trying too hard to express my emotions in the attempt to make sense to some people, but in reality as Mum would tell me, 'it doesn't mean they don't care, some people just aren't listeners as in depth as you are'. She didn't mean this in a bad way however more so as listening involves enacting empathy - a concept that can be foreign to some people, but necessary for us all to connect. And perhaps she was just being a good Mama  in always having my back...

Maybe empathy was a learned skill for me through my own studies of Social Work, maybe it was taught to me by my Mum. However I learnt it, I try my hardest to be empathic on a daily basis which I don't always succeed at. I do this as I know through my own personal struggle that showing connection to someone at a time of need is more powerful than we sometimes realise, whether or not we are interested, disagree or even are tired of the same story. It doesn't take much, but gives a lot. 

This video is short, simple and yet bang on point. All of Brene's talks are. Although probably expected, I wasn't shown this video through any of my Social Work studies or friends, but through family. As she so poignantly states in this video;

   'In order to connect with someone, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling'  

and;

   

 'Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better, is a connection'.

Maybe take a moment, share this post/video on your social media or via email and it may just spark something in someone to take the time to show some empathy to someone who needs it today, tomorrow or the next day. 

Get down in the hole....

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a research professor at the Graduate College of Social Work at the University of Houston U.S.A. She has spent the past decade studying courage, worthiness, vulnerability, and shame. She is known for her TED talks about these and more. She definitely has my vote, and not just because she is a fellow Social Worker - that part's a bonus.

Amazing, amazing stuff for all of us to take a little away from. 

www.brenebrown.com